The conversation surrounding mental health can be a sore one in the Black community. The American Psychiatric Association found this in part due to barriers to care including stigmas associated with “mental illness, distrust of the healthcare system, lack of providers from diverse racial/ethnic backgrounds, lack of culturally competent providers and lack of insurance, underinsurance.” As a result, only one-in-three African Americans who need mental health care receive it.
For Black men, the stigma associated with mental illness is even more deeply rooted as a study showed they believed mental health problems to be correlated with simply having a lack of motivation.
According to Mental Health America, African Americans are more likely to have feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness but less likely to seek out professional help for mental health concerns. Malik Graham, 23, believes this is due to the expectation that Black men hold everything together.
“In most cases with Black communities we are looked on as alphas,” Graham said. “We have to suppress the situation, move forward and keep pushing and pushing but that’s not always the case because if you keep suppressing something and you can’t take it anymore, you may just have a breaking point and you don’t know when your breaking point may be or what may come out of it.”
Kylee Holmes, 21, recognizes how this cultural influence can hinder Black men as it pertains to their mental health.
“Black men really do have a serious problem that we do need to fix on and we have a culture that doesn’t encourage things of that sort,” Holmes said. “They think going to counseling you have to be crazy or you have to be really down bad and it’s not that at all. It’s more so just needing someone to talk to or needing someone to give you different outlooks on situations going on in your life or just to uplift you and things like that.”
Holmes admits he didn’t always prioritize his mental health but after leaving home to attend college at Florida A&M University, he experienced a shift in mentality.
“I began kind of prioritizing my own mental health in between like 18-21 in that phase where you’re going through your growing pains and kind of figuring out who you are as a person and things of that sort,” Holmes said.
For Holmes the years 18-21 signified a transition period, one in which he had to learn to stand on his own.
“As we’re growing we kind of operate based off of what we know from people around us and then when we get into our adult phase and its really like your life is your own and you begin to learn new things and experience different things that’s when you really have to learn more about yourself.”
Everton Wood Jr., 23, had a similar moment of realization in which he decided that he needed to become more in tune with his mental health.
“There was a time I came into college as a biology major and I switched to biomed and I thought that was really what I wanted to do, and I think just because of the stresses of parents or family and I felt a lot of pressure from people to be something that I didn’t really believe I was,” Wood Jr. said. “So, in terms of that it took a pretty heavy toll on me trying to figure out what I wanted to be and do after college and that’s when I kind of had to take a step back and self-reflect and remind myself that I want to live for myself and kind of pave my own path. That was the big switch for me.”
In trying to live for himself and pave his own path, Wood Jr. acknowledged that the meaning of mental health can vary and that the state of one’s mental health is constantly changing.
“It means a lot of different things,” Wood Jr. said. “It can go anywhere from just seeing how you feel about your appearance, your self-esteem, your self-efficacy, self-actualization really I think it encompasses a very large part if not the majority of our lives in terms of how we view ourselves so I think it’s very important that we always keep our mental health in check meaning that we’re constantly reassessing ourselves and seeing where we are, how we feel about things, how we feel about the people around us and always checking in with those things.”
As Holmes started to check in with his own mental health, he came to a point where he decided counseling was necessary.
“I got to a place in my life where I felt alone with my problems,” Holmes said. “As Black men we kind of have this thing where you can’t be seen as vulnerable. You have to be this tough person, this person who always has it together and things of that sort, so I kept trying to hang on to that mindset of like ‘I can’t really tell my friend what’s going on because they might look at me as less than or be like bro you’re tripping, what do you mean?’ so I really needed an outlet in a way… a person that I know is not going to judge me, not going to think of me any differently and things of that sort.”
Graham on the other hand still isn’t completely sold on the idea of going to therapy.
“I just feel like when I think about it sometimes I feel like I can be embarrassed of just explaining what I’m going through to someone else I don’t know,” Graham said. “I do support therapy and I believe therapy is very therapeutic for your mind, just having someone just hear you out, listen to what you have to say to you without even knowing you and giving you great advice but me personally I’d be a little bit of a hypocrite in that sense because I do support it but I don’t think I would do it myself.”
Still, believing that mental health is important, Graham has found other ways to maintain and protect his mental peace.
“Just hobbies I enjoy doing,” Graham said. “Something to do with sports, I watch highlights. I just try to stay active, do things that won’t allow me to be on my phone because you know phones can be a distraction.”
Holmes himself reflected on the impact of social media on mental health, emphasizing the need to disconnect from time to time.
“I feel like in today’s age, we kind of get so caught up in technology and things of that sort that everything is going outwards and when we kind of take a step away from all that type of stuff and really just be with ourselves it makes it a little bit easier to really help yourself,” Holmes said. “I actually recently deleted all of my social media apps off my phone for a little bit. I saw a Kevin Gates interview and he was saying the main thing with social media nowadays is that people tend to use that to compare their own lives to others but in doing that you’re comparing your real-life problems, real life issues, everything that you’re going through with somebody else’s highlight reel.”
Since understanding and realizing the importance of mental health, Holmes has found different ways to maintain his mental health over the years.
“I go to counseling of course. I journal a lot. I keep about three different journals… one for how I’m feeling if I feel like any strong emotions I need to get out, another just for day-to-day things or anything interesting that I may come upon in my every-day life and then another just to keep myself in a routine,” Holmes said. “I would write some things I’m grateful for or write plans for my future and things of that sort just to have something tangible about myself that I can look at and go back to.”
Wood Jr. is considering going to counseling, but in the meantime, he is still pushing beyond the stigmas associated with mental health in the Black community by opening up more within his own friend group.
“For Black men in particular I know it’s definitely a sore subject,” Wood Jr said. “As of late, the guys in my circle have kind of started to open up more and we kind of do mental health checks on each other so I know that’s definitely something that’s being talked about more, trying to break those stigmas and say Black men are people too and we don’t have to be superheroes. We don’t have to be as strong, or these superhumans that other people think that we are. Its ok to let those emotions go and talk about them and work through them so that we can become stronger people.”
Wood Jr. attributes the willingness of his circle to open up now to the light being shed on the topic of mental health.
“I think honestly just the mere exposure,” Wood Jr. said. “A lot of times if you’re just slightly exposed to something and the more you’re exposed to it than the more you either start to believe it or the more you start to see that side of things so the fact that its being talked about more is in itself starting the conversation amongst people.”
While overall still encouraging Black men to be more vulnerable, Holmes stated there was a notable difference between opening up to a friend versus opening up to a counselor.
“I can vent to my friends, but my friends weren’t always able to provide me with things to help myself,” Holmes said. “My friends they’ll be there for me, they will understand, be a shoulder to cry on type thing but a counselor is like ‘ok I get you’re feel like this, we’re going to work through this… are you journaling? Are you trying these different breathing techniques when you’re feeling anxious or do you have those places you can go to where you can really relax and be yourself?’”
Despite his efforts, he’s still met with resistance when it comes to the idea of receiving counseling.
“Just from personal experience a lot of my friends around me you know whenever I say I’m going to counseling they kind of immediately have this adverse reaction to it,” Holmes said. “Then when they have their own problems that’s when I’m like bro you should go to counseling, that sounds like a lot of unresolved trauma, or you’re operating this type of way because you have some stuff you need to figure out and I do recommend it. They’re like ‘no I don’t need that, I shouldn’t go there, I’ve got this, I’m a man… whatever.” Like I’m not saying you’re not a man or anything like that but I’m just saying this is something that we all can use to become better people ourselves.”
Whether it’s through venting to a friend or venting to a counselor, Black men are exercising their right to openly communicate. In addition to keeping the conversation going, Wood Jr. believes that Black men showing up and supporting the youth will go a long way.
“As it pertains to mental health I would like to see more work in the community really,” Wood Jr. said. “I think anybody can really just go out and serve the community, so I would love to see more service from Black men just going out and helping the younger generation in any way possible. Doesn’t always have to be talking about emotions or talking about feelings and things like that but it can always be just being there for another person.”
While the conversation about mental health may still be a sore one, the conversation is happening nonetheless. Black men like Wood Jr., Holmes and Graham are acknowledging the importance of maintaining one’s mental health and challenging the idea that Black men can’t be vulnerable.
“Mental health is real and some people may not think it’s real but it’s very real and we just have to do our best as Black males and just as humans to just continue doing research about it and continue promoting it because you know it can really kill you so you just have to make sure that your mental health is ok and if you don’t think its ok in your own aspect then I would just seek help whether it may be a therapist or just a loved one,” Graham said.
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